When Borderline Meets a Narcissist

Her memory takes hold,

When I never held her.

Magnetism drew us together,

Palpable at first encounter.

Our obstructive accompaniment,

Could never survive either’s journey.

Objectively knowing?

Does nothing for the heart.

Continue reading “When Borderline Meets a Narcissist”

I’m Crazy, Not Stupid | Living with BPD


If only I would’ve been stupid,

It would’ve been unable to hide.

If therapists could’ve read my mind,

The diagnosis would’ve been easy.

Those 10 years of decay,

My symptoms were right there,

Finally reached the surface.

I’m not stupid,

But I was lifeless.

Continue reading “I’m Crazy, Not Stupid | Living with BPD”

My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar


You did your job,

You protected the child.

You’re too good at your job,

I’m not a child anymore.

Continue reading “My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar”

The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD


I was misdiagnosed 5 times,

Confirming my soul was evil.

A single correct diagnosis?

Freed me from the delusion.

Like flipping a light switch,

My pain had a purpose.

Continue reading “The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD”

Not Forgotten, Hidden | 9 BPD Symptoms: Dissociative Amnesia

Author’s Note: Terms matter. Words have deeper meanings than letters strung together for a common understanding. Language affects the very way humans perceive the world. That’s why everyone (including myself) should learn a new language vastly different than our native tongues — who knows what we could unlock!

“Dissociative symptoms are common in Borderline Personality Disorder, including memory loss (dissociative amnesia) for certain time periods, events, and people.” [Source]


Memory loss was called:

“Repressed memory.”

Reach in somewhere,

Grab something,

Stuck someplace,

Yank it forward.

THAT IS NOT IT.

Continue reading “Not Forgotten, Hidden | 9 BPD Symptoms: Dissociative Amnesia”

B is for Business | Cluster B Personality Disorders

Borderline is part of “Cluster B” personality disorders, affectionately known as the “Dominant” or “Control” cluster. This is a short free-write exercise, but does not take my typical poetry format. Instead, think of it as a quick and dirty guide to Cluster Bs in the business world.

Cluster B Personality Disorders: 4 / 10 PDs

  1. Borderline
  2. Histrionic
  3. Narcissistic
  4. Antisocial

In 2020 USA, Cluster B is disproportionately represented in corporate leadership. Roughly 2-5% of USA adults have a Cluster B personality disorder, while experts estimate 8-12% of CEOs blatantly exhibit all of Cluster B’s traits.

How do symptoms often show up in business leadership?

Continue reading “B is for Business | Cluster B Personality Disorders”

How to Break Psychotic Hallucination | Living with Borderline PD


“Emotional trauma in childhood was significantly related to auditory* hallucinations.

Psychotic symptoms, especially hallucinations, seem to be an important feature of BPD. More research on potential mediators and adequate treatment approaches for psychotic symptoms in BPD is needed.[Source]

Psychotic symptom,

Moments ago:

I was the Antichrist.

I’m taking it as a sign,

Specifically:

Borderline’s mad at me.

It only lasted a minute or two —

A pretty pathetic delusion, really.

I’m the Antichrist?

Really? That’s the best you got?

Pretty sure this would’ve come up prior,

Prior to the night before I reveal what you are.

Your 20 years plan — up in smoke!

We’re in the final hours here,

Seems pretty desperate if you ask me.

Perhaps Borderline doesn’t like being called out…

Usually you have much better than that,

In your evil, twisted, existence.

I know you do.

Continue reading “How to Break Psychotic Hallucination | Living with Borderline PD”

The 5th Time I Was Misdiagnosed | Living with BPD

Disclaimer: This poem DOES NOT mean you shouldn’t go to therapy! In fact, EVERYONE should go to therapy! However, if you think there is even a SLIGHT chance you have a personality disorder, GO TO AN EXPERT. Not a general therapist. Don’t make the same mistake I made 5 times. It took an expert 6 months to fully diagnose what 5+ years of various forms of therapy couldn’t even guess.

If you are a therapist, please read (or scroll) to the end for signs/clues you should know regarding the 9 symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.


When it happens 5 times,

You’re pretty sure it’s reality.

You must just be evil.

You must just be broken.

You must just be worthless.

It isn’t a disorder,

It’s you.

That was the fear.

No, not a fear —

That was the reality.

A reality. 

Continue reading “The 5th Time I Was Misdiagnosed | Living with BPD”

My College Freshman Crush | 9 BPD Symptoms: Idolization & Devaluation


Brand new to adulthood.

Brand new to college.

Brand new to bisexuality.*

When you caught my eye,

I was not looking for friendship.

I remember feeling startled —

You took my breath away.

So I left my new roommate,

And I follow you to the elevator…

You laughed at something dumb I said.

Did you realize you had a grip on me?

You held the power in our friendship?

Congrats Z — you were the first,

The one & only,

Close friend I ever fell for.

To be fair to my poor lesbian heart,

You were exactly my type,

And I never wanted friendship.

Continue reading “My College Freshman Crush | 9 BPD Symptoms: Idolization & Devaluation”

Gemela & #1 Amiga | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

Spanish word meaning: “twin sister”

Dear Gemela,

I love you.

You are like a sister to me.

Not “like” a sister,

My twin sister.

Always on my side,

Against anyone who’s not.

You always have been.

Even since we met,

Since I was a sad,

Angry,

Broken child.

You were the bright light,

The brightness in Utah’s clouds.

Continue reading “Gemela & #1 Amiga | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder”