No one answers the question:
How are humans supposed to feel?
Begging the follow-up inquiry:
Do all mental states possess illness(es)?
Continue reading “We’re All Mad Here”Category: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
How to live with Borderline symptoms from someone who actually has BPD.
When Borderline Meets a Narcissist
Her memory takes hold,
When I never held her.
Magnetism drew us together,
Palpable at first encounter.
Our obstructive accompaniment,
Could never survive either’s journey.
Objectively knowing?
Does nothing for the heart.
Continue reading “When Borderline Meets a Narcissist”I’m Crazy, Not Stupid | Living with BPD
If only I would’ve been stupid,
It would’ve been unable to hide.
If therapists could’ve read my mind,
The diagnosis would’ve been easy.
Those 10 years of decay,
My symptoms were right there,
Finally reached the surface.
I’m not stupid,
But I was lifeless.
Continue reading “I’m Crazy, Not Stupid | Living with BPD”My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar
You did your job,
You protected the child.
You’re too good at your job,
I’m not a child anymore.
Continue reading “My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar”The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD
Confirming my soul was evil.
A single correct diagnosis?
Freed me from the delusion.
Like flipping a light switch,
My pain had a purpose.
Continue reading “The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD”Not Forgotten, Hidden | 9 BPD Symptoms: Dissociative Amnesia
Author’s Note: Terms matter. Words have deeper meanings than letters strung together for a common understanding. Language affects the very way humans perceive the world. That’s why everyone (including myself) should learn a new language vastly different than our native tongues — who knows what we could unlock!
“Dissociative symptoms are common in Borderline Personality Disorder, including memory loss (dissociative amnesia) for certain time periods, events, and people.” [Source]
Memory loss was called:
“Repressed memory.”
Reach in somewhere,
Grab something,
Stuck someplace,
Yank it forward.
THAT IS NOT IT.
Continue reading “Not Forgotten, Hidden | 9 BPD Symptoms: Dissociative Amnesia”B is for Business | Cluster B Personality Disorders
Borderline is part of “Cluster B” personality disorders, affectionately known as the “Dominant” or “Control” cluster. This is a short free-write exercise, but does not take my typical poetry format. Instead, think of it as a quick and dirty guide to Cluster Bs in the business world.
Cluster B Personality Disorders: 4 / 10 PDs
- Borderline
- Histrionic
- Narcissistic
- Antisocial
In 2020 USA, Cluster B is disproportionately represented in corporate leadership. Roughly 2-5% of USA adults have a Cluster B personality disorder, while experts estimate 8-12% of CEOs blatantly exhibit all of Cluster B’s traits.
How do symptoms often show up in business leadership?
Continue reading “B is for Business | Cluster B Personality Disorders”Protected: How to Break Psychotic Hallucination | Living with Borderline PD
The 5th Time I Was Misdiagnosed | Living with BPD
Disclaimer: This poem DOES NOT mean you shouldn’t go to therapy! In fact, EVERYONE should go to therapy! However, if you think there is even a SLIGHT chance you have a personality disorder, GO TO AN EXPERT. Not a general therapist. Don’t make the same mistake I made 5 times. It took an expert 6 months to fully diagnose what 5+ years of various forms of therapy couldn’t even guess.
If you are a therapist, please read (or scroll) to the end for signs/clues you should know regarding the 9 symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
When it happens 5 times,
You’re pretty sure it’s reality.
You must just be evil.
You must just be broken.
You must just be worthless.
It isn’t a disorder,
It’s you.
That was the fear.
No, not a fear —
That was the reality.
A reality.
Continue reading “The 5th Time I Was Misdiagnosed | Living with BPD”My College Freshman Crush | 9 BPD Symptoms: Idolization & Devaluation
Brand new to adulthood.
Brand new to college.
Brand new to bisexuality.*
When you caught my eye,
I was not looking for friendship.
I remember feeling startled —
You took my breath away.
So I left my new roommate,
And I follow you to the elevator…
You laughed at something dumb I said.
Did you realize you had a grip on me?
You held the power in our friendship?
Congrats Z — you were the first,
The one & only,
Close friend I ever fell for.
To be fair to my poor lesbian heart,
You were exactly my type,
And I never wanted friendship.
Continue reading “My College Freshman Crush | 9 BPD Symptoms: Idolization & Devaluation”
Mindfully Messy 