No Poem November

A poem began to form as I fell asleep,

I was too exhausted to write it down,

Instead it ebbed and flowed on by.

Even as unconsciousness took me,

I tried to grasp onto the stanzas,

While they withdrew inside the vault.

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When Borderline Meets a Narcissist

Her memory takes hold,

When I never held her.

Magnetism drew us together,

Palpable at first encounter.

Our obstructive accompaniment,

Could never survive either’s journey.

Objectively knowing?

Does nothing for the heart.

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I’m Crazy, Not Stupid | Living with BPD


If only I would’ve been stupid,

It would’ve been unable to hide.

If therapists could’ve read my mind,

The diagnosis would’ve been easy.

Those 10 years of decay,

My symptoms were right there,

Finally reached the surface.

I’m not stupid,

But I was lifeless.

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How I Knew I Was a Lesbian at 4 Years Old


As my teacher explained God’s plan,

I remember these specific thoughts:

“That’s not me, I’m not in Heaven,

Why aren’t two married girls there?”

Prior to my initial homophobic trauma at 4 years old,

I had to have known I was exclusively attracted to girls,

Otherwise it would not have been severely traumatic.

So I must have known prior to it,

Even right before that moment,

But what was the actual feeling?

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My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar


You did your job,

You protected the child.

You’re too good at your job,

I’m not a child anymore.

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Cruel | Homophobic Trauma Recovery using Buddhism

What a cruel thing to do:

Making love look disgusting.

Something I had to avoid,

At all and every cost.


I refused it,

Just like you told me.

I hated it,

Just like you wanted.

Buried it deep down inside,

Extinguished it within me.

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The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD


I was misdiagnosed 5 times,

Confirming my soul was evil.

A single correct diagnosis?

Freed me from the delusion.

Like flipping a light switch,

My pain had a purpose.

Continue reading “The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD”