Her memory takes hold,
When I never held her.
Magnetism drew us together,
Palpable at first encounter.
Our obstructive accompaniment,
Could never survive either’s journey.
Does nothing for the heart.
I dreamt about you last night,
You asked why I ignored texts,
I almost told you the truth:
“Borderlines attracts Narcissists,”
No words ended up coming out.
I ran away from you in the dream,
Metaphor for my waking actions.
Striving to erase you from my mind —
Easily done after only one date!
Unless disorders complement each other,
Unless they intertwine us immediately.
Unless one person stops them from nesting,
Unless we’re forced to move past one another.
You aren’t a villain,
No more than I am,
We can both prosper,
Just not hand-in-hand.
People with Borderline love Narcissists,
People with Narcissism love Borderlines.
Our disorders feed the worst parts of themselves,
Supplying what’s needed and taking from ourselves.
Until one of us wakes from the delusion,
“Messy breakup” is an understatement.
Best to cut it off at the beginning,
So they don’t damage both of us.
Brittan began writing poetry in June 2020, when she was overwhelmed by emotion upon remembering events previously hidden by dissociative amnesia. She uses poetry as a therapeutic exercise when revisiting homophobic traumatic memories and describing life with BPD & Bipolar 2. She uses poetry as a medium for self-expression when discussing Buddhism, lesbianism, and platonic love.
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