How I Knew I Was a Lesbian at 4 Years Old


As my teacher explained God’s plan,

I remember these specific thoughts:

“That’s not me, I’m not in Heaven,

Why aren’t two married girls there?”

Prior to the moment I was told homosexuality was wrong,

I had to have known I was exclusively attracted to girls,

Otherwise it would not have been severely traumatic.

So I must have known prior to it,

Even right before that moment,

But what was the actual feeling?

Continue reading “How I Knew I Was a Lesbian at 4 Years Old”

My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar


You did your job,

You protected the child.

You’re too good at your job,

I’m not a child anymore.

Continue reading “My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar”

Cruel | Homophobic Trauma Recovery using Buddhism

What a cruel thing to do:

Making love look disgusting.

Something I had to avoid,

At all and every cost.


I refused it,

Just like you told me.

I hated it,

Just like you wanted.

Buried it deep down inside,

Extinguished it within me.

Continue reading “Cruel | Homophobic Trauma Recovery using Buddhism”

The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD


I was misdiagnosed 5 times,

Confirming my soul was evil.

A single correct diagnosis?

Freed me from the delusion.

Like flipping a light switch,

My pain had a purpose.

Continue reading “The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD”

Not Forgotten, Hidden | 9 BPD Symptoms: Dissociative Amnesia

Author’s Note: Terms matter. Words have deeper meanings than letters strung together for a common understanding. Language affects the very way humans perceive the world. That’s why everyone (including myself) should learn a new language vastly different than our native tongues — who knows what we could unlock!

“Dissociative symptoms are common in Borderline Personality Disorder, including memory loss (dissociative amnesia) for certain time periods, events, and people.” [Source]


Memory loss was called:

“Repressed memory.”

Reach in somewhere,

Grab something,

Stuck someplace,

Yank it forward.

THAT IS NOT IT.

Continue reading “Not Forgotten, Hidden | 9 BPD Symptoms: Dissociative Amnesia”

Apology to Bisexual Women | Lesbian & Queer Community Issue

[This poem addresses an ongoing issue within queer inter-communities. Straight people: Please read if you are interested, but also realize you won’t have cultural context.]

After my coming out, all the responses from my bisexual friends were incredibly powerful. I felt so much love towards them — but then…guilt? I was confused, why was I feeling guilty? All the memories I had with these bisexual friends were happy ones, not trauma! I meditated about it and immediate free-wrote the below poem.

As a lesbian, I want to make this clear: Historically, our community has not been welcoming to bisexual women. This needs to stop. This needs to stop now. 

I cannot ask that you, bisexual women, forgive me for my past. But you deserve an apology.

I love bisexual women. But there was a time when I didn’t. 

I was jealous of them.

So I wrote a poem about it. . .

Continue reading “Apology to Bisexual Women | Lesbian & Queer Community Issue”

If you want to know me, read my poetry

I could write a million stanzas,

And still not convey what I mean.


“If you want to know me,

Read my poetry.”

Is that it? Is that all? 

Do you know me now?

Perhaps you know me as much as you can,

From a one-sided conversation.


What’s the point of it, then?

Of poetry, or the written word at all?

When it’s one person speaking,

And another one listening along?


Is that a human connection?

One person listens to another.

Is that the reason we write?

Or is it just the start?