Femme vs. Butch | Internalized Homophobia Poetry Therapy

Author’s Note: This poem addresses a lesbian community topic of femmes and butches. These terms are exclusively used by lesbians for specific purposes, but not all lesbians use them. Personally, I use “femme” and “lipstick lesbian.” This poem uses the term “tomboy” (mainstream use for straight girls) and “butch” (subculture use for masculine-presenting lesbians).

Resources explaining / discussing femme and butch lesbian subcultures.

IMPORTANT: Do not misinterpret “femme” and “butch” to decide: “Who’s the man and who’s the woman?” THAT IS NOT WHAT THOSE TERMS MEAN. There are plenty of femme–femme (aka me and my future wife) and butch–butch relationships.


“I think the world of you…”

Begins the Facebook message.

I have not read the rest.

Guilt.

Crushing guilt.

Continue reading “Femme vs. Butch | Internalized Homophobia Poetry Therapy”

Power of Friendship Poem | Farewell Oregon

My friendships made me feel love,

When I didn’t allow romance.

My friendships kept me warm,

When all I could feel was cold.

Without real friendship,

Without platonic love,

I wouldn’t be alive.

Continue reading “Power of Friendship Poem | Farewell Oregon”

B is for Business | Cluster B Personality Disorders

Borderline is part of “Cluster B” personality disorders, affectionately known as the “Dominant” or “Control” cluster. This is a short free-write exercise, but does not take my typical poetry format. Instead, think of it as a quick and dirty guide to Cluster Bs in the business world.

Cluster B Personality Disorders: 4 / 10 PDs

  1. Borderline
  2. Histrionic
  3. Narcissistic
  4. Antisocial

In 2020 USA, Cluster B is disproportionately represented in corporate leadership. Roughly 2-5% of USA adults have a Cluster B personality disorder, while experts estimate 8-12% of CEOs blatantly exhibit all of Cluster B’s traits.

How do symptoms often show up in business leadership?

Continue reading “B is for Business | Cluster B Personality Disorders”

Dear Perfect Mormon | Internalized-Homophobia Poetry Therapy

Dear P,

To be honest, 

You scared me.

You were the perfect Mormon example.

You were everything I wanted to be,

Everything I — needed to be.

So I chose to walk behind you,

Hoping you’d show me the way.

Show me how to be a good Mormon,

How to be a good heterosexual girl.

How to be good at all. . .

Continue reading “Dear Perfect Mormon | Internalized-Homophobia Poetry Therapy”

How to Break Psychotic Hallucination | Living with Borderline PD


“Emotional trauma in childhood was significantly related to auditory* hallucinations.

Psychotic symptoms, especially hallucinations, seem to be an important feature of BPD. More research on potential mediators and adequate treatment approaches for psychotic symptoms in BPD is needed.[Source]

Psychotic symptom,

Moments ago:

I was the Antichrist.

I’m taking it as a sign,

Specifically:

Borderline’s mad at me.

It only lasted a minute or two —

A pretty pathetic delusion, really.

I’m the Antichrist?

Really? That’s the best you got?

Pretty sure this would’ve come up prior,

Prior to the night before I reveal what you are.

Your 20 years plan — up in smoke!

We’re in the final hours here,

Seems pretty desperate if you ask me.

Perhaps Borderline doesn’t like being called out…

Usually you have much better than that,

In your evil, twisted, existence.

I know you do.

Continue reading “How to Break Psychotic Hallucination | Living with Borderline PD”

Gemela & #1 Amiga | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

Spanish word meaning: “twin sister”

Dear Gemela,

I love you.

You are like a sister to me.

Not “like” a sister,

My twin sister.

Always on my side,

Against anyone who’s not.

You always have been.

Even since we met,

Since I was a sad,

Angry,

Broken child.

You were the bright light,

The brightness in Utah’s clouds.

Continue reading “Gemela & #1 Amiga | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder”

If you want to know me, read my poetry

I could write a million stanzas,

And still not convey what I mean.


“If you want to know me,

Read my poetry.”

Is that it? Is that all? 

Do you know me now?

Perhaps you know me as much as you can,

From a one-sided conversation.


What’s the point of it, then?

Of poetry, or the written word at all?

When it’s one person speaking,

And another one listening along?


Is that a human connection?

One person listens to another.

Is that the reason we write?

Or is it just the start?

Is Buddhism Right for You? | Beginner’s Guide to Buddhism

Disclaimer: My goal is not to convince you of anything you do not already know deep inside your soul. My “Buddhism for Dummies” series is meant to shed light on Buddhist beliefs in an easy-to-understand way. You can decide for yourself if it rings true to you.

Do you believe in Buddhism? Have been taught about it from a Buddhist monk and/or nun? Or has your version of Buddhism been through a bastardized Western lens? What I like to call, “viewing Buddha with rose-colored glasses.” This isn’t meant to be insulting, it’s just so happens that Buddha’s teachings were historically greatly misunderstood when they were first introduced to the Western world. It’s been an uphill battle ever since.

GOOD NEWS: There’s no reason to continue being misinformed. Buddhism, like all organized religions, has specific beliefs and steps to become an actual practicing Buddhist. You can believe in parts of Buddhism or even call yourself a Buddhist if you’d like, but to experience the full benefits and actually be a “practicing Buddhist,” you must follow the specific teachings.

Check out a combination of my steps and the ones my Buddhist teachers have taught me about pondering if Buddhism is your truth. . .

Continue reading “Is Buddhism Right for You? | Beginner’s Guide to Buddhism”

A Poem for My Best Friend | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

Ve: Norse name meaning “giver of feeling”

While not a sapphic love,

Ve is a love of the soul,

Of the mind,

And the heart.


One of friendship and radical acceptance, 

We met at very different places.

And yet, I saw my pain reflected.

More than, I saw my love reflected.


Ve’s presence fills you with happiness,

Even when you have none to give back.

Ve’s words fill you with hope,

Even when none seems possible. . .

Continue reading “A Poem for My Best Friend | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder”