My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar


You did your job,

You protected the child.

You’re too good at your job,

I’m not a child anymore.


So —

Our company is moving in a different direction,

We’re implementing brand new management.

Well —

Technically a mixture of:

The oldest management,

Chronic changes to it,

Additional emergence.

But —

Adding new understanding,

Using therapeutic tactics,

We can live differently.


Borderline & Bipolar:

You’ve enjoyed ~20 years!

Growing,

Controlling,

Hiding.

You need to understand —

Probably a difficult truth —

You may have changed my brain,

But that doesn’t give you free reign.

While you may always be here,

We need to find a way to coexist,

Otherwise we all will cease to exist.


Depression,

Your main job is to truly understand dukkha,

Live within one of suffering’s strongest forms.

You supposedly make me more poetic,

Even as you drag me into your depths.

Psychologists say you strengthen my analytical side,

Break down complex problems into understanding.

Even so, you should try to hold yourself back,

Life doesn’t need to be as bleak as you make it.


Hypomania,

What a wonderful thing you can be,

So full of ideas and possibilities.

I welcome you whenever you appear,

I enjoy the shenanigans we get into.

Be mindful of timeliness,

And your shortcomings.

You are not perfect,

But you are fun.

Don’t overstay your welcome,

Or you’ll take over my life.


Borderline,

Research says you make me an expert at reading facial expressions,

Which has been irritating most of the time — but has obvious upsides!

Studies show I have higher levels of passion and loyalty to loved ones,

Due to ramifications from this personality disorder’s development.

It’s kind of bullshit you get credit for my positive traits,

Especially since your unsavory side counteracts so often.

The positives you have given me are part of me now,

Your other symptoms do not often help me in any way.

I don’t know what to say to you specifically,

It’s difficult to think of redeeming qualities.

You can be used as my weapon,

That much has been proven true.

You need to patiently wait for the right opponents,

Remain docile and stay away from everyone else.

You make me look at the world differently,

I suppose there is some good in that alone.


Author’s Note: I wrote half of this poem a month ago, but it’s been sitting in my drafts as stanza fragments floated around my mind. Tonight, I needed to finish it. I’m happy to report that in the last month, new management has been doing much better than old management! There are definitely areas for improvement, but the goals of this poem stands.

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