Mental health, Buddhist teachings, and Lesbian poetry I hid in the depths of my soul for 20+ years.
How to live with Borderline symptoms from someone who actually has BPD.
Spanish word meaning: “twin sister”
Dear Gemela,
I love you.
You are like a sister to me.
Not “like” a sister,
My twin sister.
Always on my side,
Against anyone who’s not.
You always have been.
Even since we met,
Since I was a sad,
Angry,
Broken child.
You were the bright light,
The brightness in Utah’s clouds.
Continue reading “Gemela & #1 Amiga | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder”Disclaimer: This poem addresses how I acted as a 5-10 year old child. If you are one of the people this poem is written for, please do not take this as me asking for you to reach out or forgive me. This is merely an expressive art therapy process in the form of a free-write poem. I have written it “for” you as my formal apology for any psychological trauma I may have caused you during our childhood friendship.
[Author’s Note: This poem was written immediately after a PTSD episode. It is very raw.]
I was not a friend to you.
I should have been.
I did like both of you,
I just liked the games more.
I liked the lies,
The manipulations.
I liked pitting you against each other.
It made me feel powerful,
When I had no other power. . .
Continue reading “Apology Poem for F* & T* | BPD Early Signs: Toxic Friendship”No actual thoughts in my adolescent diaries,
Only what happened during my day.
All so boring,
So sterile.
What happened at school,
What happened at church,
What happened at work,
What happened at home.
Nothing on my thoughts.
“Your thoughts are normal, no need to keep track.”
Nothing on what I want from life.
“Your life won’t last long, no need to fantasize.”
I don’t care what happened during my day,
I care about what I felt during my day.
But I didn’t write it down,
Writing it down makes it real.
Ve: Norse name meaning “giver of feeling”
While not a sapphic love,
Ve is a love of the soul,
Of the mind,
And the heart.
One of friendship and radical acceptance,
We met at very different places.
And yet, I saw my pain reflected.
More than, I saw my love reflected.
Ve’s presence fills you with happiness,
Even when you have none to give back.
Ve’s words fill you with hope,
Even when none seems possible. . .
Continue reading “A Poem for My Best Friend | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder”I tried to kill my evil side.
Most times it would evade clutch,
Openly mocking my attempts.
Other times it would allow touch,
Slyly preventing my movements.
It never stopped
waiting,
watching,
whispering.
I desperately tried to kill my evil side,
While my evil side easily killed me.
Mindfully Messy 