The 5th Time I Was Misdiagnosed | Living with BPD

Disclaimer: This poem DOES NOT mean you shouldn’t go to therapy! In fact, EVERYONE should go to therapy! However, if you think there is even a SLIGHT chance you have a personality disorder, GO TO AN EXPERT. Not a general therapist. Don’t make the same mistake I made 5 times. It took an expert 6 months to fully diagnose what 5+ years of various forms of therapy couldn’t even guess.

If you are a therapist, please read (or scroll) to the end for signs/clues you should know regarding the 9 symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.


When it happens 5 times,

You’re pretty sure it’s reality.

You must just be evil.

You must just be broken.

You must just be worthless.

It isn’t a disorder,

It’s you.

That was the fear.

No, not a fear —

That was the reality.

A reality. 

Continue reading “The 5th Time I Was Misdiagnosed | Living with BPD”

Apology Poem for F* & T* | BPD Early Signs: Toxic Friendship

Disclaimer: This poem addresses how I acted as a 5-10 year old child. If you are one of the people this poem is written for, please do not take this as me asking for you to reach out or forgive me. This is merely an expressive art therapy process in the form of a free-write poem. I have written it “for” you as my formal apology for any psychological trauma I may have caused you during our childhood friendship.

[Author’s Note: This poem was written immediately after a PTSD episode. It is very raw.]

I was not a friend to you.

I should have been. 

I did like both of you, 

I just liked the games more.


I liked the lies,

The manipulations.

I liked pitting you against each other.

It made me feel powerful,

When I had no other power. . .

Continue reading “Apology Poem for F* & T* | BPD Early Signs: Toxic Friendship”

Don’t Write It Down | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

No actual thoughts in my adolescent diaries,

Only what happened during my day.

All so boring,

So sterile.


What happened at school,

What happened at church,

What happened at work,

What happened at home.


Nothing on my thoughts.

“Your thoughts are normal, no need to keep track.”

Nothing on what I want from life.

“Your life won’t last long, no need to fantasize.”


I don’t care what happened during my day,

I care about what I felt during my day.

But I didn’t write it down,

Writing it down makes it real.

Killing My Evil Side: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder Poem

I tried to kill my evil side.


Most times it would evade clutch,

Openly mocking my attempts.


Other times it would allow touch,

Slyly preventing my movements. 


It never stopped

waiting,

watching,

whispering.


I desperately tried to kill my evil side,

While my evil side easily killed me.