Mental health, Buddhist teachings, and Lesbian poetry I hid in the depths of my soul for 20+ years.
“Oh no, that stanza should be over there…”
Publishing poetry changes the words,
They no longer only belong to me,
Every reader has their own impression,
Clicking publish removes it from my control.
Continue reading “Poetry Doesn’t Have to be Perfect”If only I would’ve been stupid,
It would’ve been unable to hide.
If therapists could’ve read my mind,
The diagnosis would’ve been easy.
Those 10 years of decay,
My symptoms were right there,
Finally reached the surface.
I’m not stupid,
But I was lifeless.
Continue reading “I’m Crazy, Not Stupid | Living with BPD”Whenever I’m asked to explain Buddhism,
My mind goes into immediate hyperdrive,
My soul scrambles to discover the right words,
How do I know which are the right words,
When I’m not an enlightened being?
How do I align with teachings of right speech,
When I must explain such a personal thing?
Continue reading ““What’s Buddhism?” | Eightfold Path: Right Speech”As my teacher explained God’s plan,
I remember these specific thoughts:
“That’s not me, I’m not in Heaven,
Why aren’t two married girls there?”
Prior to my initial homophobic trauma at 4 years old,
I had to have known I was exclusively attracted to girls,
Otherwise it would not have been severely traumatic.
So I must have known prior to it,
Even right before that moment,
But what was the actual feeling?
Continue reading “How I Knew I Was a Lesbian at 4 Years Old”You can’t hear my words,
You can’t sing along to the tune,
You can’t listen for comfort in isolation.
You can’t watch my words,
You can’t view the imagery,
You can’t see descriptions as distraction.
Continue reading “What’s the Purpose of Poetry?”A mother and her youngest child:
All of my firsts were all of her lasts.
I was the final offspring she nourished,
Both inside and outside of the womb.
I was the final bird to fly the nest,
Did she notice my broken wings?
Continue reading “My Mother, My Angel”You did your job,
You protected the child.
You’re too good at your job,
I’m not a child anymore.
Continue reading “My Mind is Under New Management | Living with BPD & Bipolar”What a cruel thing to do:
Making love look disgusting.
Something I had to avoid,
At all and every cost.
I refused it,
Just like you told me.
I hated it,
Just like you wanted.
Buried it deep down inside,
Extinguished it within me.
Continue reading “Cruel | Homophobic Trauma Recovery using Buddhism”Confirming my soul was evil.
A single correct diagnosis?
Freed me from the delusion.
Like flipping a light switch,
My pain had a purpose.
Continue reading “The Power of a Correct Diagnosis | Living with BPD”“True & Constant”
I fully believed those words,
One main reason I chose Nu.
I will always believe in the “4 Ls,”
I believed in them long before Nu,
With an intensity I didn’t often see.
But you always did.
And I always noticed.
I will be honest:
I did not want a Big.
Continue reading “True & Constant | Big & Little”