My College Freshman Crush | 9 BPD Symptoms: Idolization & Devaluation


Brand new to adulthood.

Brand new to college.

Brand new to bisexuality.*

When you caught my eye,

I was not looking for friendship.

I remember feeling startled —

You took my breath away.

So I left my new roommate,

And I follow you to the elevator…

You laughed at something dumb I said.

Did you realize you had a grip on me?

You held the power in our friendship?

Congrats Z — you were the first,

The one & only,

Close friend I ever fell for.

To be fair to my poor lesbian heart,

You were exactly my type,

And I never wanted friendship.

Continue reading “My College Freshman Crush | 9 BPD Symptoms: Idolization & Devaluation”

Don’t Write It Down | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

No actual thoughts in my adolescent diaries,

Only what happened during my day.

All so boring,

So sterile.


What happened at school,

What happened at church,

What happened at work,

What happened at home.


Nothing on my thoughts.

“Your thoughts are normal, no need to keep track.”

Nothing on what I want from life.

“Your life won’t last long, no need to fantasize.”


I don’t care what happened during my day,

I care about what I felt during my day.

But I didn’t write it down,

Writing it down makes it real.

A Poem for My Best Friend | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

Ve: Norse name meaning “giver of feeling”

While not a sapphic love,

Ve is a love of the soul,

Of the mind,

And the heart.


One of friendship and radical acceptance, 

We met at very different places.

And yet, I saw my pain reflected.

More than, I saw my love reflected.


Ve’s presence fills you with happiness,

Even when you have none to give back.

Ve’s words fill you with hope,

Even when none seems possible. . .

Continue reading “A Poem for My Best Friend | Living with Borderline Personality Disorder”

Killing My Evil Side: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder Poem

I tried to kill my evil side.


Most times it would evade clutch,

Openly mocking my attempts.


Other times it would allow touch,

Slyly preventing my movements. 


It never stopped

waiting,

watching,

whispering.


I desperately tried to kill my evil side,

While my evil side easily killed me.