Content | Living with Bipolar Disorder

I forgot how this feels:

Content

The absence of external stimuli,

Coupled with a lack of internal.

And yet?

Not surrounded by misery,

Not consumed by fatigue,

Not drowned by disinterest.

Instead?

Nothing. 

Not in a Depressive way,

Not “nothing” as in emptiness.

Not in a mood stabilizer way,

Not “nothing” as in sedation. 

Simply existing.

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Nothing bad,

Nothing good.

Neither happy,

Nor sad. 

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It will not last. 

After a week of Hypomania,

Depression will hit back harder. 

But it hasn’t happened yet.

So, until it decides to appear:

I choose to feel this moment. 

Because in this moment, 

I am content.

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Author’s Note: This is the first time in 10 years I haven’t been in a depressive (or 5% of the time hypomanic) episode.