True & Constant | Big & Little

“True & Constant”

I fully believed those words,

One main reason I chose Nu.

I will always believe in the “4 Ls,”

I believed in them long before Nu,

With an intensity I didn’t often see.

But you always did.

And I always noticed.

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I will be honest:

I did not want a Big.

I met plenty of women I could see as friends,

Absolutely zero I could see as mentors.

I wrote down a couple random names,

Some, I figured could be friends — 

No real mentorship, but have fun.

Some, I hadn’t even met yet — 

Vaguely heard about & thought, “Sure.”

But some-how the matching committee,

For some-reason, linked me to you.

For that I will always be grateful.

Even if it was sheer dumb luck,

If they picked a name from a hat,

It was the best thing Nu did for me.

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“I will always be your Big,

You will always be my Little.”

I liked how forceful you were,

Not in a mean or overbearing way,

You just refused to let me drift away.

Which I can tend to do,

Trust issues make it easy.

I wasn’t sure if you wanted me,

You didn’t know me beforehand,

I wasn’t sure your kindness towards me was real,

Or just what the sorority culture expected of you.

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I heard horror stories from Bigs & Littles,

Not only our sorority — every single one.

From every sorority on campus,

Bigs & Littles insulting each other.

Sometimes harmlessly,

Sometimes viciously.

They only spoke behind the other’s back of course,

Becoming loving sisters the moment she’d reappear.

This caused a recurring thought:

I knew I never bitched about you,

So I wondered if you did it instead.

You told me you loved me,

But…

Perhaps you were like them.

If I, the Little, wasn’t gossiping —

Odds had it you, the Big, were.

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Your true intelligence constantly drew me towards you.

Pseudo-intellectuals are everywhere in college settings,

But you had valid research and data to back your claims.

Our fields of interest were different,

Making you all the more valuable.

You showed me your point of view,

You never hid parts of it,

Or tried to dress it up,

As people do with hard topics.

Instead:

You constantly told me the truth.

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“Actions speak louder than words.”

I’m not sure I agree with that quote —

Words are incredibly powerful creations

And actions can be falsehoods just as likely.

I suggest an alternative statement:

“Actions build the strength of words.”

Your words were always Big/Little love,

But I couldn’t be completely sure of them,

Until your actions constantly showed true.

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“I’m Your Big!”

And so you became.

You were exactly what a Big was supposed to be:

Loving, mentoring, honest, fun, and dependable.

You continued to be,

As I left the sorority.

The Nu organization did not matter,

It merely orchestrated our connection.

Constantly & truly,

Big & Little,

Sisters forever.

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Author’s Note: I’ll be writing more poetry on going through intensive trauma recovery while being apart of a sorority. It was something else, let me tell you! I want to be clear: I do not regret joining a sorority. There are a few people I would have never met otherwise. One of the most important being my Big.