Ve saw me wading through oblivion,
Ve dragged me away from the edge,
How could someone of intrinsic value,
Be found using online classified ads?
“We met on Craigslist,”
Was a crowd-pleaser.
How could best friends,
Meet on Craigslist?
Ve read my writing.
I crafted that post for many hours,
Forcing it to give a glimpse of me.
Trying to show who I was,
While using somewhat vague terms.
An ad for a roommate,
But I privately hoped —
And didn’t expect to find —
A worthwhile friend as well.
“I read through tuns of Craigslist ads,
You’re the only one I messaged.”
She wasn’t the only one I contacted!
She was my first choice,
She was who I wanted,
But I didn’t think she’d choose me.
We physically met at a Panda Express.
She arrived as a stylized version of herself,
Strides in cute heels completing her power outfit.
I knew our introduction wasn’t her normally,
This persona of a polite acquaintance.
I respected it — it showed her “street smarts,”
The type of smart that knows how to work a room,
Which side of a personality to show when.
We began as if being interviewed,
Except within minutes of speaking with her,
I could see endless potential,
I could see who she’d become,
I could see she already was:
A mind of kind empowering,
A soul of depth radiating,
A heart of passion exploding.
Our years living together transformed us,
Both of us grew and changed in countless ways.
I know I helped her in life’s struggles,
But it truly can’t even come close,
To what she did for me.
I was dying when we met.
She reminded me who I was,
She refused to watch me suffer,
She dragged me away from my Hell.
As I moved from Portland,
She became her 5-years-ago first impression,
She dresses professionally often now,
She has a different job,
A different lifestyle,
Than our communal lives.
However, she kept the aspects I observed in our meeting,
The qualities that set her apart from everyone else.
She’ll always have them,
I’ll always be grateful.
5 Years After My Craigslist Ad:
If you reach enlightenment in this life,
If you do and I don’t,
If I still have things my soul needs to learn,
Needs to experience,
Before I reach enlightenment.
Promise me you’ll somehow —
Still give me spiritual guidance.
Somehow assist me on my journey,
As you’ve done in this life,
And I’m sure in past ones as well.
Please still help my soul on it’s path.”
“Britta, I promise you:
I will never leave you.
No matter where our paths take,
In this life or the next,
I will always love you.
I will always listen to you.
I will always guide you.”
“I don’t know what i did to deserve you,
You have to deal with this crazy person I —”
“Because I love your soul.
Your existence is enough for my love.”
Brittan began writing poetry in June 2020, when she was consumed by emotion upon remembering memories previously hidden by dissociative amnesia. She uses poetry as a therapeutic exercise when revisiting homophobic traumatic memories and describing life with BPD & Bipolar 2. She uses poetry as a medium for self-expression when discussing Buddhism, lesbianism, and platonic love.