If you read my first blogpost, you have been introduced to part of my brain I kept under lock and key for many years.
The most surprising part of my written therapeutic experiment? It grew far from the original purpose. Immediately upon completing my coming out / LDS resignation letter, I immediately began writing a detailed analysis of my mental disorders (the aspects that had no ties to my sexuality).
The day after that, I started free-writing poetry about some of my newly resurfaced memories.
Every day for the week leading up to my June 30th post, I slept 4 hours a night, barely ate, and was overwhelmed with the need to write. I hadn’t needed to write in such a way for many years. I kept weaving through memories I had repressed due to the need to protect myself.
But now they didn’t have to be painful. If I wrote them down I freed myself of them.
Writing has always been tied to my innermost thoughts and feelings. Either hidden in journals under my bed or on the password-protected computer documents. My writing was the one area where I could express myself without worrying about anyone’s reaction.
Publishing my writing on this blog makes it actually exist in the world and seems more “real” to me.